Autobiography

“The Divine Purpose of humanity is to create the forms into which the consciousness of God can manifest.”-Lucille Cedercrans, Nature of the Soul.

Dedicated to my wonderful mother and stepfather: Adele Hansen and Michael Ziegmont, Lt. Col. USAF. And to all my wonderful teachers along the way: they are legion. And to the best friend imaginable: Debra Oliver, eternal Sister through the ages.

Diane Harvey – Born December 13, 1945 San Francisco, California.  Died: December 13th, 2022.

Raised to be adventurous, curious, to love beauty, goodness and truth, and to love and serve others. I was taught all this by example: the best and perhaps the only way to learn.

It is wonderful to be incarnated with a balance of positive and negative characteristics: to spur us on and make complacency impossible.  It is also a great gift to make as many mistakes as possible and still live through them. The keener the sense of humor about all this, the better.

The greatest gift of all is to be interested in spiritual progress, and to seek out all those who can help us. This I have done, still do, and always will. And in this alone there is joy unending

And what in existence, in life and death is not a gift?  Sooner or later we come to understand we have been and done everything, many times over.  From this arises the understanding of forgiveness and detachment, and how it is possible to observe evil in all its forms with a degree of equanimity. In this it is also possible to begin to understand the lives of the saints and the ever-present reality of Christ.  We finally begin to understand the deeper meaning of “Forgive them Lord, they know not what they do”.

Again and again and again, life after life: “Lead us, O Lord, from Darkness to Light, from the Unreal to the Real, from Chaos to Beauty, and from Death to Immortality.”

This old and darkening mind both forgets and remembers so much: I forget where I am in the slapdash attempt to round up stray memories. I am become a world of missing bits and pieces, as can be equally normal – and extremely bizarre – to the elderly I.  In any case, this magical place of sacred red rocks has always been a power spot of extreme magnetism. And it is here, on a large piece of sacred land, that Neilan Cooke encouraged me to paint all I painted and write all I wrote. Such selfless generosity is astounding in any age, at any time. Let alone how extremely difficult it was for him to do this at all.

The inevitable war between a very powerful man and an equally strong-minded woman was what it was. Inevitable, productive, deeply sacred and equally fractious. We were not only not remotely saintly – either one of us – but also equally driven by willpower more than kindness. I fought tooth and nail for my rights as a woman, and he in his own silent way stood his ground always. An immovable man met an equally stubborn woman. Sparks flew, inner fires were stoked, creative work flourished. When ego-worlds collide, anything can happen. What happened is everything I ever did worth doing.

Originally, I came here following our beloved spiritual teacher from Agoura, California: Torkom Saraydarian. (Google him for more info and a video of his life and teaching.) He moved here to Sedona with many of his students and I followed. Here he built a temple – and hung many of my paintings on the walls, and in his office. Without his encouragement I can’t imagine what my life would have been like. I would never have met Neilan, for instance.  And on the night Torkom died, he visited me in my workshop and said: “Don’t worry, Hierarchy has all your paintings.” I was astounded. I knew what he meant, but even now I don’t know how to put in words without trying to write a laborious history of how sacred teachings are never lost. Just hidden from view. But the reality is: nothing beautiful, good, or true ever was or ever will be lost! Think about that and you will never come to the end of it. And the journey is everything.

* * *

Debra and I had a mutual friend named Barbara Selack, who also moved to Sedona to study with Torkom. She liked the Self-Portrait I painted (above) and bought it. She was a friend of Neilan’s and invited him over to see the painting. When Neilan saw the painting, he blurted out, “Who made this painting?” Barbara told him I had made the painting and that I was a friend of hers. Neilan declared, “I must meet this woman,” and so Barbara invited me over to meet Neilan. I will never forget looking out the window and seeing him drive up in an ancient station wagon filled to overflowing with bits and pieces of trash. I shuddered. I knew my fate when I saw him and liked it not. My considerable ego thought: OH NO. My equally insistent Soul said OH YES. And so it was.

And so here I am, in the nearest old folk’s home, lumbering around still above ground. I’d rather not! It is hard slogging uphill at the end, an ever-steeper climb up this Mount Everest of Old Age. There is nothing remotely strange about wanting to get it over with when you are sick enough, tired enough and have had your fill- and then some. So, I grumble at God in the long sleepless nights of trying to breathe with lungs I ruined all by myself. And still am. (I think of the marvelous Madame Blavatsky and her amazing spirit. Smoking a cigarette on her way out. As much as I can: me too. I am unapologetic. The vicious profiteers who knowingly sold tobacco addiction to clueless victims will pay their karmic bills just as we all do. “God is not mocked.”  GRR!

And now to the trickiest bit- for me anyway. The Masters of the Wisdom Teachings. There are so many of Them!  Here are some highly contradictory yet complimentary statements, if I may. Our spiritual guides have always been here and will always be here. Both within us and external to us. If we follow a sacred path, we will become one of Them sooner or later, because Earth is designed to become a Sacred Planet in time and space. This is the Divine Engine driving us all, life after life after life. To the personality bearing the burdens of all these lives – and I speak for myself here – the very thought is exhausting. We smile anyway.

Now I am going to tell you what I have seen at the end of all of our striving. It is the Dragon guarding the Gate at the end of this solar system. Since my darkening mind has forgotten so many details I saw about the Dragon – this is the best I can do.

And a reminder from Rumi:

  “I died as mineral and became a plant,
  I died as plant and rose to animal,
  I died as animal and I was human,
  Why should I fear? When was I less by dying?
  Yet once more I shall die human,
  To soar with angels blessed above.
  And when I sacrifice my angel soul
  I shall become what no mind ever conceived.
  As a human, I will die once more,
  Reborn, I will with the angels soar.
  And when I let my angel body go,
  I shall be more than mortal mind can know.”

Love and Blessings, Diane